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| Search found 3 matches |
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
 Topic: Chapter 1, Finland, V 1.1 |
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| Byron Replies: 1 Views: 59 |
 Forum: Mark Posted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 4:25 pm Subject: Chapter 1, Finland, V 1.1 |
| Yes, I think this is an improvement. I think you've explained more while keeping things moving better. And now I want to know what comes next.
Sorry for not posting this week; I've been knocked o ... |
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| Topic: Exposition! Action! Finland! |
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| Byron Replies: 3 Views: 110 |
Forum: Mark Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:45 pm Subject: Exposition! Action! Finland! |
| Some great world-building and a sympathetic protagonist. Great action scene, but it takes too long to get there. Too much exposition at once, and some violations of the "show don't tell " ... | |
| Topic: Exposition! Action! Finland! |
|
| Byron Replies: 3 Views: 110 |
Forum: Mark Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:33 pm Subject: Byron line edits |
| Turku, Finland [Year?]
Simon stared at the hand. He knew the hand belonged to him, but it seemed like a small creature stranded and lost at the end of his arm. [Déjà vu] meant a feeling of familiari ... |
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